Sunday, July 18, 2010

EGO? Confirmed..

WBC 0.7 ANC 0.0 hgb 9.3 plts 6

So as many of you know, my decision to forego Western medicine treatments has not been an easy one for me to make. I know many of you disagree with the natural path I've chosen--even though I'm currently still in the middle of hospitalized antibiotic treatment. A necessary (if only for the painkillers the first few days) delay in my wholistic treatment.

For the first time ever, i was happy that the doctors routated.

Meet dr schburt, a vetern oncologist who has clearly been around the block a few times.

His transfusion strategy: unless your bleeding, let your platelet level hang out at 1. Let your hemoglobin get to 6 before transfusing. Stretch out this transfusions to the max.
I like it.

I have been lucky enough to truly befriend one of my nurses here who agrees with my chosen strategy. She has 25 years experience watching both successful and not successful bone marrow transplants and agrees with that NIH study that concludes only 50% make it five years later.

Here's my ego confirmation kicker: In private conversation with dr. Schburt...let's just say dr schburt doesn't think I'd make it through a transplant either.

I feel confirmed, releived that in spite of all my second guessing and internal debating, the truth is clear. There is only one way out of this and it's going to require complete transformation on all levels of my being.

It is both a terrifying and liberating realization.

There are not words enough to express my gratitude to all of you out there contributing in whatever ways you can. I love you all.

3 comments:

  1. Ego? Confirmed.,,, Does this mean such will finally take a back seat in the ride with Grace?

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  2. The higher self has a decision to make and it can make it in the present, right now - live or die - YOUR CHOICE.

    The truth? - what is the truth, but the confirmation of what you truly decided to believe. If you truly believe that holistic approach will heal you, then it will. If you doubt, it won't. Look for the self-deception signals - doubt, anger, confusion, hopelessness, hope, excitement - they are ALL self deception)

    If you heal with the holistic approach and take it as a pat on the back to your ego (see, I told you, learn from me, I knew the right answer - that western medicine guys are wrong), my bet is that your wise and old higher self will not let you live, I can feel it. Surrender, truly, no judgment, just be and DECIDE - WHY DO YOU WANT TO LIVE? And let the answer be egoless - then you'll know if you REALLY want to live.
    Love, Julia

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  3. Karen, Pinky and Helen send our love. Trust yourself, you know best.

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