You Don't Have To Like It....

You don't have to like it, but you have to accept it.   

Somebody told me that the other day.   It struck a chord with me.   How often do I reject a thought, concept, even a person because I don't like it, because I refuse to accept it.

There is a part of me that whole-heartedly does not accept this illness and the implications of this illness.   There is a part of me that thinks my rejection of this illness is a healthy approach.   I got a letter from a lady who said she refused to capitalize chemo and cancer because it would add significance to the concepts.    I liked that.   I woke up this morning feeling from the depth of my soul "Enough already.  It's time to get better."

But I can see it from the other side too....(round and round we go).....that perhaps I should accept this illness and all of it's implications and then surrender myself to the Universe.   I can see how the struggle is furtile because whatever happens is going to happen anyway.   Ultimately, it's all up to God.

Then I check into my heart....which is often heavy with grief these days....to see if there is even a glimmer of unconditional love.   Again and again, I have heard from friends "drop into Love"  which sounds fabulous and yet somehow I'm not quite sure how to....when my heart feels so heavy and the tears roll off my eyes so easily.    I feel the love of the people surrounding me and I am so grateful for all of your support.   But to generate it from the inside....well, that's an entirely different story.  

What helps me with my spin?   To accept that we are all part of the Divinity.   To feel (or even imagine) that Divinity pulsating through me with the breathe.    To seek that glimmer of hope and love and feed it more breathe and more life.   To surrender to the Divinity.  To practice, again and again, until it feels natural.   And still, from the depth of my soul, to feel "enough already. illness begone."