A Decision Has Been Made

I appreciate all of your comments regarding acceptance and surely there is much to be contemplated and worked on in this area for all of us.  I am touched by your geniune concern as well as the generous donations that many of you have made---whether it be by prayer, by bone marrow test, by financial contribution.   I love and thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

After further and more benign conversations with my doctors today at SCCA, I am coming home to Santa Fe on Friday May 28, 2010.    The SCCA doctors emphasized that they are a bone marrow transplant center and since we were only in the very preliminary part of the search for a donor, my time with them is more or less finished for now.   They are happy to refer me to a hemdoc (ie blood doctor) and an oncologist here in Seattle to administer ATG if that is the route that I would like to take.   While they recommend ATG, they understand where I am coming from and if they find a donor in time and if I am still, in their opinion, strong enough to go through a bone marraw transplant,  they will continue to work with me as my transplant center regardless of my ATG decision.   Or at least that's what I understood from today's conversation.

I spoke with Dr. Scott-Timperly, who was one of my oncologists in Sante Fe, today regarding my return home.   I expressed to her my very real concerns about the toxicity of ATG, given my current second violent reaction to the mild drugs they've been giving me,  and she agreed with me that the decision to take the ATG route should not be taken lightly.   The drugs can kill you, straight up.  When I said the same thing to the doctors here in Seattle, they did not have much of a response.  I expressed to Dr. Scott-Timperly my desire to give alternative healing methods a little more time before I decide whether the ATG route is appropriate for me or not.    She supports me in this decision, knowing that I understand the fully informed implications of my decision.

While I recognize that I am trying to dance between two partners that are perhaps incompatible (ie western and alternative medicine),  I feel perhaps like it is okay to flirt with both.   I'd like to spend the next few months in Santa Fe, hopefully with the support of my friends and family, using Western methods to stay alive (ie blood counts, transfusions, antibiotics as needed) and alternative methods to see if I can begin to turn things around.    There are stories online of many people who chose to go the alternative route and are still alive today.   I am sure there are just as many stories of people who didn't make it and hence have no websites to tell their stories.   I am very clear on this point.

My reality is this:   it's 50-50 either way.   There is a 50% chance a bone marrow transplant will work.  According to my understanding of the ATG literature, it may work for a while or require multiple treatments but is generally not considered a cure.    For very severe Aplastic Anemias, one statistic said that only 45% of people see any results from ATG.   Dr. Doney,  an SCAA doctor who has seen hundreds of AA cases in her career, said she didn't think ATG would work for me.    There are multiple horror and success stories online.

If these are my last few days on the planet, I prefer to have at least tried some alternative methods for a set period of time surrounded by the support of my family and friends.

SO....this brings up the next most logical question which some of you who helped pack me up and put me in storage on Monday are probably asking:  "where will I live?"

I have a place to land initially.  My wish to the Almighty Universe (and to any of you with any ideas) is this:

I would like a quiet, centrally located, extremely clean space--which could sleep two people if I needed someone to spend the night--with a washer/dryer, full kitchen, full bath with tub, dishwasher, preferably no carpet, month-to-month (might as well ask for the ideal) that doesn't cost a small fortune.   

If you know of such a place--or have the time to look for such a place--please let me know what you find.   Probably best to email me your suggestions to fieldofcosmos@gmail.com rather than posting them on the blog.  

Thank you for all of your continued support.   I hope that you will come visit me or walk with me, once I return.   I remind myself often that Challenge is a Blessing and an Opportunity to Learn.   Ultimately, the result is up to God anyway.