Ponderings on Isvara.

As children, we are totally dependant upon the people who are taking care of us.   We must intrinsically trust these people.    A newborn infant is incapable of anything and therefore must trust the adults surrounding him.   As we age, we find that our caregivers with whom we put all of our trust as infants are not at all infallable.   They are human beings with likely as many faults as virtues and so we begin to distrust what we once thought infallable.    Then many of us are introduced to a concept of God, which goes something like this:   Pray to God.  He will provide Everything.   So we pray and no, we don't get a Porsche for our sixteenth birthdays or some tragedy hits our lives and so many of us fall into a doubt of God.   Our ego, very often, becomes our God.  We learn to trust ourselves and little else. 

"Isvara Pranidhanani" is a niyama (established observance) in Patanjali's Yoga Sutras and is often translated as "surrender to God."    For me this was a difficult concept to comprehend, due to years of  religious belief abstinance.  However, if I change my defintion of "God" and take it not in the "old man in the sky with a long white beard who is clearly defunkt in his duty to provide good in the world"---well, that's a whole other story.   

Swami Dayananda translates "Isvara Pranidhanani" as "living a life in Awareness."   This to me is a palatable definition and a worthwhile cause.   In spite of all of my personal challenges,  I can clearly see that there is nothing else of any real significance beyond "Awareness."   This idea helps me to put to rest my restlessness and my insignificant desire for more of this or more of that.   This idea helps me to find calm and appreciation for my opportunity to serve my community and the world in whatever capacity I can.  And I can find trust that "Awareness" is always there....whether I chose to recognize it or not.       

Wild Spring

One minutes it's snowing rendering my driveway nearly impassable and the next minute it's sunbathing weather. Ahhhh--Spring in New Mexico.

With these swift weather changes, I find myself dressing in layers---a literal wearing of summer to winter. The exterior shell of clothing, however, is comparably easy to manage compared to the interior emotional world that I find myself swinging through. One minute I'm enjoying a beautiful spring day contently watching the irises and tulips beginning to bud in my garden. The next minute I find myself restless for adventure, a kind of prehistoric drive to move. Where and how I move doesn't matter, but the need to make a move is there.

One day I drove to Albuquerque to see friends. The next day I drove to Ojo Caliente to soak in the amazing hot springs and lay in the sun sheltered from the brisk wind. Someone mentioned the South by Southwest music festival happening in Austin right now and my mind immediately jumped to an imaginary journey. The crowds. The dancing. Yes, I'm certain that's what I need to overcome my restlessness.

Then I remember that I just got back from India with a substantially bruised wallet. As reconciliation to my daydream flight to a music festival that I no nothing about (i.e. what kind of music do they play?), I remembered that the food in Austin was not exactly my cuppa tea the last time I was there.

Mostly, I'm astonished at how fast my mind can switch itself around from full contentment laying in the sun literally watching the flowers grow to full restlessness and the need to move faster.

So instead of heading towards Austin, I’m working on my standing poses incorporating them into sun salutations and forward bends. Sun salutations and standing poses give me the satisfaction of movement....kinda like driving around all over the state. Forward bends give me the opportunity to be present and calm....kinda like watching the flowers grow. Thank goodness for yoga!

Maestro Zakir Hussain

Wow. What else can you say? With an ensemble of drummers and two violas (at least that’s what I think they were), he played at the Lensic last night. The dexterity of their fingers is nearly out of this world. I'm not sure I've ever seen someone's fingers move so fast. In fact, I'm not sure that I've ever seen ANY human part move so fast....and in rhythm! Actually, Zakir seems to have about 10 rhythms going on at once....as if each finger has its own independent rhythm.

Though Ustad was not with Zakir last night, this is a fantastic sample of what I'm talking about: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLvKNlB1pB0

The joy, the concentration and the awareness that these people demonstrate when they play is meditation in action. They are totally absorbed in the moment and in what they are doing. It is prayer. It is presence. It is perfection. It is yoga.

Zakir’s playing reminded me of a verse in Chapter 6 of “The Bhagavad Gita According to Gandhi” which I will now reproduce for you along with Gandhi’s commentary (pg 120-121).

(18) When one’s thought, completely controlled, rests steadily only on Atman (God within) when one is free from longing for all objects of desire, then onc is called a yogi.

(19) As a taper in a windless spot flickers not, even so is a yogi, with this though controlled, seeking to unite himself with Atman.

(20) Where thought curbed by the practice of yoga completely ceases, where a man sits content within himself, Atman having seen Atman.

“Atman having seen Atman, that is, when his mind has become absorbed in the Atman and he lives for ever content in the Atman.

(21) When he experiences that endless bliss beyond the senses, which can be grasped by reason alone, wherein established he swerves not from the Truth.

If a person has perceived with his intellect the reality which God is, if he has understood with it his duty and then yoked himself to the chariot of God, if, shaking off lethargy, he has entered his name in God’s office for duty—such a person will never be shaken from his purpose.

(22) Where he holds no other gain greater than that which he has gained, and where, securely seated, he is not shaken by any calamity however great---

....(I skipped the commentary here)…….

(23) That state should be known as yoga (union with the Supreme), the disunion from all union with pain. This yoga must one practice with firm resolve and unwearying zeal.

Thank you, Zakir and friends, for a beautiful experience.

Best Dressed at the Academy Awards

So who's up for an award and for what?   I do suspect Avatar will win something. In the meantime, I'm easily amused by the photographs of the best "?" dressed on the red carpet. If it wasn't for YAHOO making me go through three separate steps to get to my actual email, I probably wouldn't have known that today was the Academy Awards. In fact, I suppose I should be grateful for YAHOO "news" or I'd unlikely never know anything in any kind of timely manner so far as world events and news. If it doesn't appear as a YAHOO headline, on FRONTLINE or on a Rachel Maddow show, then it's probably not in my radar.

I know. I used to listen to BBC every now and again. Occasionally I get on BBC kick and listen daily. Generally, I find most of what we consider "news" these days so depressing that I actively chose to keep my knowledge limited to YAHOO headlines and Rachel Maddow. I'm certainly not recommending this policy to anybody. For the record, I do actively watch loads of news before elections and before I vote. At least I can say that I try my best to be an educated voter.

....back to the Academy Awards.....can you imagine the meters of taffeta, sequins and glitter used on all those dresses? I always wonder if the dresses are made locally or by semi-slave labor so that our movie stars can glide down the red carpet for all of one minute per year. As I find myself thinking how uncomfortable most of those dresses look, especially for sitting through a long Academy Awards program, I also wonder what I would wear if I were ever invited to attend the event. Of course, I'm certainly not a movie star (yet anyway...I keep waiting to be discovered!) so whether my outfit would make YAHOO news or not might be in question. But my answer is clear: I would want to wear something locally-made and produced, preferably organic and comfortable. If we could make it stylish and even a bit funky, all the better. Of course, I also realize that this is mostly how I chose to dress anyway in my daily life. So I guess I'm not that far from my fantasy lifestyle. Making conscious decisions about how I live, what I wear and the impact on the world is part of my daily yogic analysis of where I'm at and what I'm doing and how I'm doing it.

However, I do have to admit that Sandra's dress is pretty darn amazing.......

Bugs and the Vegetarian Question

Apparently, I've got them. My digestion hasn't exactly been the same since I went to India so I sent a hair sample to a reputed miracle doctor. He sent me back the test results: bugs of all kinds. I've got mold, L-form bacteria, bad bacteria of various kinds, Candida and ringworms. Yuck. I'm a chemical mess.

As part of the overall regimen, the miracle doctor recommended a new diet: low to no carbohydrates, no sugar, no vinegar, no dairy, no soy, no miso. This pretty much eliminates all of the joy in food for me, leaving mostly green vegetables and meat as my only option.

Since I left my parents house I've been some version of vegetarian for the past twenty years. But really, I think that I was probably born one. At age seven on my father's farm in Montana, I realized that we were eating Bessie the cow for dinner. I quite frankly preferred Bessie alive and went on a meat strike to the joy of the dogs who waited anxiously under the table for the meat portion of my dinner when my parents weren't watching. I never really liked the stuff after that.

Once I started a yoga practice in my twenties, the philosophy of yogic eating fit my eating style perfectly. I already understood the concept of Ahimsa (non-violence towards other beings or ourselves) with regards to the belated Bessie. There was nothing for me to give up.

Over the years I've experimented with different diets of all kinds: raw foods (no meat or cooked anything), vegan (no any products of any kind including eggs and dairy) , lacto-vegetarian (no meat or eggs, but dairy products are ok), ovo-vegetarian (no meat or dairy products. but eggs are ok), lacto-ovo vegetarian ( no meat, but eggs and dairy are ok), the anti-Candida and more recently Pescatarian (vegetarian plus fish). I tried each diet for long periods of time....often a year or longer. I do admit that the raw foods diet only lasted a month or two: New Mexico is an awfully cold environment for eating raw foods all the time. Yet still, after all of my education, efforts and determination to get my system right....I've failed. I've got bugs, darn it.

Now, twenty years later, several doctors of all types, including the current magic man, have suggested that I venture into the realm of true non-vegetarianism. They've suggested chicken, turkey, wild game, grass-fed beef and pork. Secure in my deeply held love for animals of all kinds, I've ignored all the advise--until now.

As I am learning to pause in order to see more clearly all aspects of my life, for the first time in a long time, I'm questioning some of my deeply held beliefs. I have several older yoga friends, who were once vegetarians, who gave it up saying they feel better. They look pretty good. I have several yoga friends who are not vegetarian. They also look pretty good.  I also have several vegetarian friends, including raw foods enthusiasts, who also look pretty good.  But if I'm really honest with myself, as we age the non-vegetarians are looking better than the vegetarians. This is my opinion based upon the people that I know. It may be a slanted survey and believe me, I'm not thrilled with the results.

That said, I believe that yoga is all about internal awareness and consciousness and that there are no black and right rules. Life is a flow, a journey and an experiment. We have to try new things. One day about a year and a half ago, I woke up dreaming about eating salmon. I put on a nice dress and took myself to the fancy Georgia O'Keefe Cafe for a wonderful salmon lunch. If the body craves something, especially in the realm of whole foods, I think that we ought to oblige it. This was the beginning of my Pescatarian diet.

While I can't exactly say that my body craves any of the recommended suggestions nor am I ready to sit in front of a big steak and eat it, I can say that the first chicken broth I made didn't taste too bad.  I used tons of green vegetables to mask the flavor.

So I guess I am now a “Flexitarian," a recently coined term describing those of us who eat a mostly vegetarian diet, but occasionally eat meat or in my case, meat broth. I like the term “Flexitarian”. The word itself even has a pop culture yogic ring to it. In my dictionary, I think I’d like to define it as:

Flexitarian (noun)—A person who sees reality clearly and adjusts himself or herself accordingly.

Or maybe we already have a word for it: Yogi.

“Killing and eating meat are interrelated, so do we have to give up eating animal products? I myself once tried to give it up, but health problems arose and two years later my doctors advised me to again use meat in my diet. If there are people who can give up eating meat, we can only rejoice in their noble efforts. In any case, at least we should try to lessen our intake of meat and not eat it anywhere where it is in scarce supply and our consumption of it would cause added slaughter.”

-- His Holiness the Dalai Lama from The Path to Enlightenment, published by Snow Lion Publications