Some days you can win: Valentine's Day

I started Valentine's Day by finalizing the end to a relationship. It was a good decision. Next time I will be head over heels in love with the person I choose.

I taught my first yoga class after a two and a half month sabbatical to the five students who showed up. (Here's hoping that you all will make it back to Tuesday's classes!) I went home, ate chips and salsa for lunch then proceeded to sleep the rest of the afternoon as I struggle with jetlag.  Unfortunately, the jetlag is winning as I'm up half the night and still sleeping during the mid-day.  The quiet of the late nights and early mornings gives me time to reflect, to meditate and to practice. After I'm finished practicing, I've discovered to my surprise that cable TV actually has some pretty good stuff in the wee hours of the night. I seriously considered buying a skin care line that Cindy Crawford promises will reduce the crow's feet that are beginning to show around my eyes.  An almost purchase, but not quite!

After a healthy dinner (to make up for lunch) of sautéed ginger, kale, carrot and tomato with a bitter green salad, I decided to go see the new George Clooney film "Up in the Air". The newspaper said it started at 7:55 pm. The automatic ticket dispenser said that the movie was at 10:25 pm, but I still believed the newspaper, thinking, "Oh it's probably sold out, but that's ok....I can sit on the stairs." So I gave the ticket taker my ticket, which he took without looking at it, only to find the paper wrong....the movie didn't start until 10:25pm. There was indeed no 7:55pm showing.

Instead of leaving only to come back again, I dropped into the last half of John Travolta's violent "From Paris" where our cute young hero, who happens to be some kind of CIA or special operatives guy, is engaged to what turns out to be a fanatical suicide killer. He tells her he loves her and then shoots her in the head as she threatens to blow herself up at an African summit meeting. How romantic, I thought.

Still having a significant amount of time before my movie began, I then dropped into "Book of Eli" where the world is blown up and deserted (think Afghanistan landscape here).  After additional violence, our hero Eli is able to recite the Bible to some people who are going to reeducate everyone about the pre-Armageddon world that was somehow obliterated. Then he dies. Another uplifting film.

Finally, it's time for George Clooney. Finally. Oh to spend Valentine's Day with George. He's always so charming, so demure, and so handsome: who can resist?  The movie was running 10 minutes late, so I sat in the theatre while the cleaners finished throwing away the empty popcorn containers and leftover candy wrappers. I was the only one in the theatre. Then the movie began. I was still the only one in the entire theatre...for the entire film.

The kicker? There's a scene where George, the acclaimed handsome bachelor, is sent to convince his sister's fiance, who suddenly got cold feet on the day of the wedding, that he should indeed go through it. George asks "If you think back across your life, were other people present during your best moments?"  Of course. Everyone needs a co-pilot. The sister gets happily married. George, however, ends up by himself questioning the bane of his existence.

I left the movie theatre contemplating the message of the day: love and our cultural perceptions of it. I recalled and have reproduced an article on Love by Swami Vivekananda that I read not so long ago:

I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me. Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this: "You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love."

This was how I saw it: As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to possess it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds. This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love...they try to possess it, they demand, they expect... and just like the latter spilling out of your hand, love will retrace from you .


For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings.


1. Give and don't expect.
2. Advise, but don't order.
3. Ask, but never demand.


It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to truly practice. It is the secret to true love. To truly practice it, you must sincerely feel no expectations from those who you love, and yet an unconditional caring.

Our cultural heritage, as propagated in our media, indicates that we are somehow not complete without our "co-pilot" or our "one true love." We are taught, at least as female children, to dream of our "Prince Charming," who will one day come and save us from loneliness and unhappiness and that we are somehow incomplete until we find that person.  While many of us are clear in a vague kind of way that we must find contentment within ourselves before we can be truly happy with another person, the biological longing and cultural training still creeps into our radar unbeknownst. Or maybe I should speak for myself. As I sat there alone in the movie theatre on Valentine's Day, I could feel the longing and desire to meet my "soul mate" creeping into my consciousness, bordering on self-pity and depression.

As I left the theatre, I remembered Swami Vivekananda's words on love. I remembered how beautiful my life truly is and how much I have to be grateful for. I remembered past lovers, the beauty that I've gained from the experiences that I've had with them and why our paths parted for one reason or another. I remembered all of the lovely people and friends in my life right now, and I want to thank you all for your kindness, compassion and love that we all share with the world. Happy Valentine's Day.